6 feet deep and my heand still isnt tired nor is my shovel dull

My mind and all thought crashes once again
as i let my heart take lead
losing all sense of reality of logic
allowing these insane notions to take charge

how stupid can this silly girl be?
again watching myself dig a whole so deep that soon the dirt will topple in
burying me alive

perhaps if i was to build myself a coffin of self doubt
it would allow atleast a couple more hours to live
telling myself i cant have you,
knowing that there was no use trying

but nope....this shovel is set on automatic once i reach this point of giddy misleading
allowing any sign of friendly gesture manifest into much more
in my own imagination of course.

Maybe the frustration will get to me first
killing me a tad quicker than denial's dirt suffocation
these sudden urges to just spill out useless words are sure to be suicidal
or maybe worse, awkward

Soon I won't be able to take it any more
but for now, i'll just let this shovel become dull

my own obsession

you were my guiltiest pleasure
fueling the line of fire  that was growing around us
telling me things you unknowingly shouldn't have
creating lustful images i wouldn't have dare confessed too you

but then i allow reality to set in
allowing my connections to you be cut
faded
or maybe plainly severed

now your absense in my life is driving me mad
no one to fulfill my attention craving
intellegence being gone from all forms of conversation
the joy plainly being sucked out of me

so many thing have been working against me
and i desperately want to grasp in your direction
but you know long are waiting with the life saver

Will you sit there and watch me drown?

i assume not

you're no longer around.....